Welcome to the

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DOWNLOAD

Homepage!

Are you... lonely? Don't you wish you could have someone to talk to at any time of the day or night? In perfect privacy? Are you bored with CuSeeMe, virtual-reality chatrooms, quadraphonic head-mounted displays? Ready to try something a little more... mmmm... intimate?

Then try our new Multiple Personality Download (MPD -- version 0.1.1.1.1.1a) -- free for 30 days! You can download as many personalities as you like for the free trial period -- NO LIMIT! (However, please note that most of our customers have reported that one downloaded personality (DP) is generally quite enough).

At the end of the free trial period, your resident DP(s) will ask you if you would like to purchase the full MPD product. If you elect not to buy the product, then your DP(s) will simply and cheerfully auto-delete (we promise!). (Please note: the much-discussed "Buy the damn thing or we'll kill ourself!" Easter-egg that was present in an earlier version of the product has been detected and expunged. Along with the programmer who wrote it, and the manager that hired him. How those two ever got past our Eleven-dimensional Personality Assessment software is beyond us. Rumours about other, as-yet-undetected Easter-eggs are completely unfounded (we promise!)).

As an added benefit, your MPD (once successfully installed), will automatically update your US FDA Device Tracking and Postmarket Surveillance Records, so you don't have to!

Precautionary statements:

  1. It has come to our attention that certain, um, "entities" are opposed to Multiple Personality Download, claiming that this product (1) may adversely affect one's mental health, and (2) represents a moral outrage against all that is pure and holy. We would simply direct these nattering nabobs of negativity to the following:
  2. You are hereby advised that, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to allow your DPs to talk you into engaging in any form of Mind Upload without explicit prior consent, in writing, from the Institute for Autonomous Intelligent Systems.

Legal Disclaimer

Any resemblance to patentable intellectual property from George Alec Effinger's classic cyberpunk novel "When Gravity Fails" is purely an incredible coincidence.

System requirements:

Now, please specify the characteristics you would like your downloaded personality to have:

Personality Factors:

Agreeableness:
Conscientiousness:
Emotional Stability:
Extraversion:
Openness:

Enneagram Type:

Type ONE: The Perfectionist
Type TWO: The Helper
Type THREE: The Achiever
Type FOUR: The Connoisser
Type FIVE: The Observer
Type SIX: The Questioner
Type SEVEN: The Visionary
Type EIGHT: The Boss
Type NINE: The Mediator

Temperament Type (pick one):

Archetypes (listen, you really don't want too many of these in your head at once -- trust us):

Type of "self":

Next, please enter the following intrusively personal information, so that we may (1) contact you about future product upgrades (and recalls, if any) and (2) sell your soul to spammers worldwide, ensuring you an uninterrupted stream of personally targeted mail, email, phone calls, TV commercials, banner ads, recurring dreams, and voices in your head, for the rest of your life:

* indicates a required field

* First Name:
* Middle Name:
* Last Name:
* Terrestrial Address:
* Extraterrestrial Address (alien abductees only):
* Work Phone:
* Home Phone:
* Car Phone:
* Cell phone:
* Cochlear Implant phone: